


Unfavorable Moments

by LapsedPacifist



Category: The Culture - Iain M. Banks, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Battle, Crossover, Gen, Pre-Series, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 07:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12576692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LapsedPacifist/pseuds/LapsedPacifist
Summary: In those 10,000 years many different things managed to happen. One of them was the rise of an entire new civilization, known as the Culture. And as the Galra Empire spread, so did the Culture. Their eventual meeting was inevitable.The meeting did not, in fact, go well.





	Unfavorable Moments

**Author's Note:**

> honestly I just wanted to write garla getting their collective asses kicked, and I also love the Culture, so combining them was a no-brainer.  
> also, this is all happening around fifty years after the Culture-Idirian war (and thats why the Culture is a little bit jumpy rn)

_‘Wake up.’_

He woke with a gasp, the loud voice still resonating in his head. His partners slept on soundly, their arms linked together over his chest. For a second he looked around, confused, but only for that short moment.

 _'Finally. The situation is urgent,’_ the voice said, the irritation clear.

 _‘Good morning to you too, drone,’_ subvocalized Brax-Ltallsa Severin Alja Atonreiu dam Enervia in response, slowly trying to untangle all of his limbs from the heavy sleepers next to him, but it wasn’t quite working.

Personal Armed Escort Drone Naesh Kiy-Ramasco Handrahen Tiran Pecusi ignored him, and continued: _‘All the necessary preparations are already under way, and I’ve already made contact with the nearest ship.’_

_‘That’s all super, but…’_

_‘Even though I do not think they will be needed, backup units are being prepared right now, to account for any possible contingency,’_ the drone rattled on.

 _‘Drone, for fuck’s sake! Are Idirians attacking? Are we about to die in a flood? First explain what’s going on, then you can start rambling!’_ now yelled Severin, becoming more anxious by the second.

The drone paused, clearly offended, and then slowly started again: _‘Well, an unidentified ship just entered the solar system, heading directly towards this planet.’_

 _‘Unidentified? Too high tech for our satellites to see?’_ Severin asked, finally managed to get up, and immediately turning to get his clothes.

_‘Actually, we just haven’t encountered them previously. And while their technology is definitely at least level 6, everything is still manned by actual people or by primitive robots. Not too high-tech, if you ask me.’_

He paused in the fight with his shirt just for a moment: _‘Why are they coming here? Can they see our satellites?’_

 _‘No, the satellites are too small to be noticed. And as the answer to your first question: I presume that they want to conquer this planet,’_ responded the drone. _‘Actually, listening to their communication, they_ definitely _want to conquer it.’_

 _‘Conquer? Oh man, but this is a level 3 society! They don’t stand a chance!’_ he complained, finally managing to pull his tail out of his pants, letting it wiggle unrestrained a bit.

 _‘I agree. This is why I woke up all our ‘reserves’ around the planet. I strongly suspected that you might want to protect these peoples.’_ The drone sounded kind of smug, for having managed to determine Severin’s wishes.

But Severin only sighed, and agreed: _‘Yes, of course. How much time do we have?’_

_‘About two hours, so we might want to hurry.’_

_‘Have you, hah, contacted Contact yet? Ask them if I can speak with Taiffi, please.’_

_‘Taiffi?’_ inquired the drone.

_‘Yeah, Taiffi Quexers. This is totally her thing. If anyone knows how to fight an alien invasion single-handedly, it’s her.’_

* * *

 

“Commander, the planet is in range.”

He didn’t even turn around to look at her to acknowledge, and instead approached one of the wall terminals while spitting out orders: “Identify priority targets, pinpoint defences, and prepare to launch assault forces.”

She saluted his back, and turned back to scanning. She could feel the nervousness in the air around her, but that always came with fight preparations. However, this time there was definitely a lot more excitement than anything else, and with good reason. While the planet was in a fairly unexplored region of space, which usually proved dangerous, this particular planet was very undeveloped. That meant lots of hand-to-hand battles, a minimal loss of life, and lots of possible praise.

Even she found herself wishing, if only for a moment, to be able to go down to the surface with other ground troops, but stopped as soon as she realised she’d let her mind wander.

The planet might be a low risk, low priority target, but that did not mean that she could afford to slack off or even simply appear to be just a little bit too lenient, and missing combat would be the least of her problems.

“Commander, the targets have been identified, sending coordinates now,” yelled an officer from the other side of the bridge.

Commander Tuvix only grunted in reply to that.

“No artificial objects in orbit whatsoever. Other stations confirm this is a pre-warp civilization.”

“Heat signatures have identified major population centres, population numbers barely exceeding a billion.”

“Radio chatter almost non-existent.”

“Good, good,” growled the Commander. “I need five ground assault squads, four for each of the main defence centres, and one for the capital city. Prepare the pods for launch on my command.”

* * *

 

“It’s about to start, isn’t it,” asked Severin, this time aloud. He was, finally, dressed properly, was even wearing a Suit, and had a really big rifle in his hands. It was really heavy, and if not for its AG unit, he wouldn’t even be able to lift it.

 _‘In a matter of minutes, yes,’_ subvocalized the drone.

Severin was standing on a small hill just outside the capital city, little dust particles dancing all around him, as he stared into the distance.

 _‘Be careful with that Micro Armaments System,’_ the drone then said, _‘I’m too far away to help if anything goes wrong.’_

“With this thing?” Severin asked, lifting the rifle. “Nah, we’ll be fine. I actually know how to operate it, which, I know, is unprecedented and amazing. But never mind that. Is everything in place?”

_‘All M-DAWS are in the exact positions, and knife missiles are mostly making some small adjustments. I will be arriving to my destination in a matter of seconds.’_

“Nice,” he said. “Hey, can you give me visual on the approaching pods?”

 _‘There are several scout missiles in place, yes,’_ the drone replied.

A screen flickered into existence in front of Severin, showing him the emptiness of space. Then, the suit helped him zero on a bunch of small, almost invisible pods, racing towards the planet.

“Drone?” he inquired.

_‘This is the first group, heading north towards Asenya. The third one is coming for you.’_

“Well alright.”

_‘I have to cut the communications now, just in case. I do not believe they could ever listen in on us, but there remains a small, minuscule chance that they could somehow detect it.’_

And with that, everything went quiet.

The screen in front of him remained for a couple of seconds more, until he dismissed it with a flick of his hand. He could already see the pods approaching with his own eyes, and they were heading directly towards him.

He smiled. This was going to be fun.

* * *

 

As the assault squads approached the planet, the ship was buzzing with excitement. Everyone was excited about seeing some real action, after spending so long merely patrolling the peaceful sectors.

All of the screens on the bridge were so devoted only to the received live video footage from each of the five leaders of the squads. Right now they were showing just the boring insides of different pods, but it was set to change quickly, as they landed.

And change it did.

Suddenly, a huge explosion ripped apart the pod of one of the officers, destroying the camera and video immediately. A few moments after that, another went out in more or less same violent way. The rest of the footage started shaking as the others tried to navigate away from whatever was attacking them.

Everyone froze for a second, but then the Commander slammed his hand down, triggering red alerts to go off, and started yelling: “Battle stations everyone! Scan the surface, I want to know what is going on! Power up cannons! Establish connections with other squad members! I want eyes on everything! _NOW_!”

* * *

 

Officer Tznak was having a seriously bad day. An extremely simple mission on the first look had, in a blink of an eye, turned into a serious shitshow. A quarter of the pods hadn’t even reached the ground, exploding just before landing. And every warrior and sentry that did manage to land, was killed as soon as their legs touched the ground.

Some unseen enemy was massacring his soldiers left and right, and he had no clue where it was. The only thing he could see was something akin to flying knives swishing around, not actually touching anything but still managing to destroy everything near them. A little bigger, round objects were floating just outside the battle perimeter, seemingly inactive. But as soon as someone tried to approach them, they were incinerated before they could even touch them.

This was quickly shaping up to be the biggest disaster of his (now extremely short) career.

* * *

 

Severin was really thankful for the suit’s ability to ameliorate the noise from all the explosions around him, as he’d have probably already gone deaf without it.

He’d glanded _quicken_ just before the first pod reached the ground, mostly just so that he was able to watch all of the explosions in slow-motion, not for actual safety concerns. The Micro Armament System, Rifle, that he had in his hands, had perfectly good shields he could hide behind, not counting the shielding his suit provided him.

Every soldier or sentry that managed to escape his gun, and there weren’t many, very quickly became victim to the minefield around them, built entirely of miniature EDust nanomissiles, which, because they were only a millimetre long, were almost impossible to see.

And while it was very quickly established that these soldiers just didn’t run from a fight, even when it meant certain death for them, the knife missiles were carefully keeping the perimeter intact, not allowing anyone to run away.

It ended almost too quickly, the entire squad wiped out in a matter of minutes. Severin halted the effects of _quicken_ , and the world around him sped up again, to its normal rhythm.

 _‘How are we doing?’_ he asked the suit.

 _‘All military combatants on the planet have been disabled, and their remains are being disposed of.’_ The suit’s voice in his head was cold and monotone. It was not a very intelligent model, as he was not very fond of different things snarking back at him all the time. And Culture-made sentience just loved to do that, constantly. He was pretty sure it was on purpose.

_‘Is there anything else that requires my immediate attention?’_

_‘Negative,’_ responded the suit and shut down its shielding, then retracted the mask, letting him breathe again.

He took a deep breath, appreciating the feel of cold air on his cheeks. After maybe a minute, he turned to the suit again: _‘Then prepare to send a message to that… What are they even called?’_

_‘They refer to themselves as Galra, and are a part of the Galra Empire.’_

_‘Right, yeah. Prepare to send a message to that Garla ship, on my command. And contact the drone and ask it how it is going up there.'_

* * *

 

“All of the sentries have been terminated.”

“Not reading any more biorhythms, all connections lost.”

“Still cannot identify individual enemy.”

“Something is deflecting our scanners!”

Commander Tuvix was now loudly growling with each new report of failure, and the entire crew was carefully avoiding his path as he stormed around the bridge and yelled at everyone in his field of vision.

“I want whoever did this _dead_! Dead, you hear me?! Turn them to ash! I don’t care with what, _just kill them_!”

The problem here was, that there was _nothing_. No indication of enemy soldiers, their ships or any sort of transport. No signs of any sort of weaponry that could be responsible for destruction on a scale such as this. Their most advanced scanners couldn’t identify anything that could’ve caused the massacre.

She hit the console in front of her with a fist, angrily snarling at it, but the display remained the same.

“Commander, the Central…”

Even before the poor officer could actually mention his idea about contacting the Central Command, the Commander was standing in front of him with a truly furious expression: _“NO!_ They will not learn of this! There is still time to destroy the planet! If they cannot be conquered, they will be destroyed. It’s the Galra way. Prepare the cannons!”

“Now wait a second,” somebody suddenly said. The voice resonated over the entire bridge, loud enough to be perfectly clear even in the general chaos. It was definitely Galran language, but with a strange accent that made it clear that the speaker did not possess Galran vocal cords.

The quiet whine of charging cannons immediately shut off, and by the frantic movements of some Galra officers in charge of weapons, it was clear they most definitely hadn’t done that.

“I would like to have a word with whoever is in charge here.”

Commander Tuvix finally stopped stupidly staring into forward screens, and addressed the incorporeal voice: “This is Commander Tuvix Audacious, of the Ninth Battlecruiser of the Fifteenth Battalion of Galra Empire. Identify yourself!”

“Well, this is Brax-Ltallsa Severin Alja Atonreiu dam Enervia. Now, enough with impressive sounding names. I don’t give a single fuck about your reasons for attacking, but you will cease immediately.”

“We will not!” yelled the Commander, all outrageous. “You do not tell the Galra what to do! Now surrender or face death!”

“Dear Commander Tuvix Audacious, I will not be doing that,” Atonreiu dam Enervia replied, and she could swear there was a hint of amusement in their tone. “You will.”

“Galra do not surrender. There is only victory or death!” snarled the Commander in response.

“Death it is, then,” Atonreiu dam Enervia said. “I’ve already taken control of your weapons systems, as well as engines. Your communication relays are disabled, and your escape pods are inoperative. You either surrender, or die as soon as the engines overload themselves. Your choice.”

“There’s no choice. We will not surrender,” insisted the Commander.”

“Very well! The ship will be obliterated in its entirety, and I promise there will be no remains!”

Was it possible that the voice managed to sound even more cheerful than before?

“Wait!”

That scream did not come from the Commander, but rather from one of the officers standing behind the Commander.

In response, the Commander turned around, his anger palpable, but the officer didn’t budge. Instead, he stood his ground, and addressed the alien: “What happens to us if we surrender?”

She looked at him, surprised. _Surrender?_ _Was that man out of his Galran mind?_

 _“Surrender?!”_ The Commander almost exploded with fury: “There will be no surrendering on board my ship!”

“Oh, you will be free to go wherever you wish. With your weapons disabled, of course. And your communication channels down as well. But, your engines will be fine, and you will be able to leave in peace,” Atonreiu dam Enervia said, ignoring the Commander’s furious yelling.

“That sounds… Agreeable?” said the officer, right before the Commander finally punched him, knocking him down and probably out.

But she finally understood, and yelled: “Commander Tuvix!”

“What do _you_ want now?” Commander hollered at her.

“The Empire is unaware of the danger this unknown enemy presents to it! If we die today, here, we will have achieved nothing, will die without glory. But if we surrender, we can step in contact with the Empire again, and warn them of these treacherous aliens. We might be executed as traitors, but at least we will have accomplished _something!_ Doing _nothing_ here and now is taking the easy way out!”

Other officers around her were nodding, and she could even see some true cowards poking their heads up at her words. But the Commander, the only one whose agreement truly matters, was too enraged to truly hear her and appreciate the logic.

However, Atonreiu dam Enervia chose that moment to intervene: “Actually, that sounds good to me. Well, I will leave you now to resolve your… _internal issues_. Hopefully, we will never see each other again.”

In the complete silence that followed that statement, the whine of engines shutting off was very audible. The entire bridge was plunged into darkness as the engines died.

It took a moment for emergency power to come online, and in that moment she tried to collect herself, as she was pretty sure her military career and maybe her life were over.

But then the light came up again, and there were surprised gasps all around her. And as she lifted her head, a gasp escaped her as well.

The main screen was pitch black, with a single short sentence written over and over again in multitude of languages, but the biggest sign was in Galran.

Don’t fuck with the Culture, it said.

* * *

 

“Dramatic asshole,” whispered Severin as the drone relayed what it had done to the Galran ship after he’d finished the transmission/negotiation with them.

Then, he finally allowed himself to take a deep breath and sit down.

That was it. Disaster averted, crisis solved, his cover blown. _Damn_.

“Hey, drone?” he asked. “When can the Contact pick me up?”

 _‘First of all, I am glad to see you are still alive, and uninjured. But to answer your question: in a matter of minutes._ GCU _Irrelevant Consequences is about to enter the system, but it will go a little slower in order to avoid being detected by the Galran ship.’_

“Hey, thanks about the whole ‘still living’ part,” Severin replied, then looked around, and murmured dejectedly: “I _liked_ living here. Are you sure you cannot simply erase the last hour from everyone’s minds?”

_‘You know fully well that we are very much against any sort of mind alteration.’_

“But you can do it, right?”

 _‘That’s not the question here. Most of our restrictions as to what we can do are self-imposed, based on morality issues, and we will not be breaking anything today,’_ the drone replied, its voice colder than usually.

“But Kiy-Ramasco, please?” Severin tried, even using the drone’s name.

_‘Have we seriously resorted to pleading? Please, like that would ever work.’_

“I had to try it, drone. Nevermind. Hey, where’s that ship?”

* * *

 

**x Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming (MSV, Desert class):**

            I wouldn’t even call this an Incident Group, but alas, here we are. You all know of the situation at hand, and are aware of the current happenings. The GCU _Irrelevant Consequences_ is on its way to pick up the human and the drone, and will then hightail it right out of the system, back to the nearest GSV, which just happens to be _Generally Not Guilty_. While all the information they can provide is being extracted there, the Fast Picket _Colloquial Skirmish_ is already following the Galran ship, undetected.

oo

**x Not Attending (Superlifter, Boulder class):**

            Yes, the first reports have already hit the news stations. I believe the Contact has chosen to renounce the entire thing?

oo

**x Generally Not Guilty (GSV, Continent class):**

            We’re just waiting for SC to wake up and start controlling everything around it, you mean.

oo

**x Colloquial Skirmish (FP/(D)ROU, Killer class):**

But it’s not like we actually _need_ SC right now. These guys are level Six, max, and I have yet to see some actual intelligence. Their weapons might be good, but that’s also all they have. We could overpower them easily, even with a simple LCU.

oo

**x Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming (MSV, Desert class):**

            You so much as mention the word ‘war’ right now, and the public will bite your head off.

oo

**x Colloquial Skirmish (FP/(D)ROU, Killer class):**

            What war? This wouldn’t be anything like other conflicts. We would destroy them instantly.

oo

**x Pretty Princess (GOU, Murderer class):**

            I cannot believe that _I_ am being a voice of reason, but hey. No, we cannot do that. They are not Involved, and it would be disgraceful for us to actually attack them.

oo

**x Hassling With Peace (FP/(D)LOU, Troublemaker class):**

            Besides, as far as we know, they don’t even come from this galaxy.

oo

**x Colloquial Skirmish (FP/(D)ROU, Killer class):**

            Confirming that. These guys are not from around here.

oo

**x Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming (MSV, Desert class):**

            I propose we redirect a couple of ships into this area, in the event they come back. Their energy signature should be tracked, and on the lookout for. Contact should deploy more agents onto inhabited and notContacted planets, should they try to conquer one again.

oo

**x Generally Not Guilty (GSV, Continent class):**

            Agreed. We will not effectively hunt them, but in the case they show up here again, they should be made aware of where exactly they are.

oo

**x Not Attending (Superlifter, Boulder class):**

            Since when are _you_ so bloodthirsty? Also, additional information should be released to the public soon.

oo

**x Hassling With Peace (FP/(D)LOU, Troublemaker class):**

Proposing _Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming_ as the agent of information release.

oo

**x Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming (MSV, Desert class):**

            That’s fine with me.

oo

**x Not Attending (Superlifter, Boulder class):**

            The faster, the better.

oo

**x Pretty Princess (GOU, Murderer class):**

            So, are we all agreed on the above specified redirection of ships, Contact agents and information release?

oo

**x Hassling With Peace (FP/(D)LOU, Troublemaker class):**

            Agreed.

oo

**x Generally Not Guilty (GSV, Continent class):**

            Agreed.

oo

**x Not Attending (Superlifter, Boulder class):**

            Agreed.

oo

**x Innocent After All, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming (MSV, Desert class):**

            Agreed.

oo

**x Colloquial Skirmish (FP/(D)ROU, Killer class):**

            Agreed.

oo

**x Pretty Princess (GOU, Murderer class):**

            Nice talking to you all, then. Hopefully we do not meet again anytime soon.

oo

* * *

 

A giant boulder-like structure (that she later on discovered was actually an egg) was delivered to her doorstep, without any sort of notice or letter. The only thing that came with it was a short hand-written thank you notice for her help, and that was it, without any sort of additional inscription or even a signature.

But as the news blared on in the background about the attempted and failed attack on Kerneurs IV and the new, barbaric alien civilization, Taiffi only smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> the weird naming systems might look a bit inconsistent, but thats just because different cultures focus and give importance to different parts of the names, that the person possessing the name might not find important or even worth mentioning.  
> also, the culture naming system looks something like this: planetary system of your birth - planet you were born on + suffix sa, then your given name, your chosen name, your surname (usually from your mother), dam village/city/house of your birth.  
> Taiffi's whole name is so Brax-Sanytsa Taiffi Savell Quexers dam Tivaquard  
> this way, your name is also your adress. Isn't that cool? (i know it isnt, but hey)


End file.
